We’ve been getting involved in youth coaching recently through regional football and the English FA, and have been paying very close attention to the ways in which parents, coaches, and spectators interact with the children throughout the game. Coaching children in any capacity can be an extremely rewarding experience, however it must be done with the child’s best interest at the forefront. We’ve witnessed lots of destructive behaviour exhibited by parents – not only from the men! – both on and off the pitch. This can be conveyed through language, tonality, body language, and other such emotive aspects of communication.
If you’re in a position of conducting or observing youth coaching, then watch out for these key problems next time you’re there. For the sake of safety of the children and your own reputation, we advise you not to turn up unannounced if you don’t currently have links to the training venue and the participants – clubs and coaches have a legal and moral obligation to safeguard the children and are within their rights to turn you away, which could cause embarrassment despite any legitimate intentions.
Common Destructive Coaching Methods
Negative Instructions
Adults often use phrases such as “don’t do [this]” and “stop doing [that]“. Classic examples I hear on the football pitch are be “Don’t let him get past you”, and “Stop running around like that”. The first thing this does with the child is to make them break concentration and evaluate what you’ve just said. Remember that throughout schooling (especially Primary Education) a child’s grasp of language is constantly evolving and expanding, but it is still limited, and that should be considered when communicating with them. Furthermore, it makes the child question their actions and panic next time the situation arises… “what should I do? I MUST NOT let him past…”, by which point the opposition may have already slipped past, further compounding the issue and leading to further negative displays from the sidelines.
Commiseration
Consider common statements such as “Unlucky lads”, “Unlucky shot”, and “bad luck”. Whilst spoken in the heat of the moment, they can adversely affect the child’s future recollection of the situation. They will dwell on how they had bad luck, and didn’t quite succeed. Focussing on the negative elements, whilst said with the best of intentions, can be detrimental to a child’s confidence and future performance. Remember that at this time, a child’s character is shaped whilst they react and learn from experiences. Working to improve this area can have a massive effect on the child’s subconscious decision making process.
Negative Body Language
If things are not going quite right, parents and coaches regularly stand immobile, arms folded, and exhibiting generally poor body language. This is often more destructive than negative verbal communication as it is visible at all times from the whole pitch. A child only needs to look towards their parent or coach for a bit of encouragement, and instantly sees negativity from the sidelines. This further compounds the child’s negative emotions and provides no positive effects. You’re dealing with children, and children respond to encouragement and leadership, not closed body language.
Verbal Abuse
There’s no point glossing it over as “putting them in their place”. According to the English Football Association, adults persistently criticising children and barraging them with negative instruction is a form of child abuse. Children respond badly to negative instruction and negative language, and venting frustrations verbally is not going to win any psychological or motivational battles.
Interfering Parents
Parents may think they’re helping by shouting instructions to their – or other people’s – children, but it’s only going to complicate matters. The only person who should be communicating with the players in a tactical capacity is the team coach. Clubs often introduce a code of conduct for parents to adhere to, which stipulates that they must refrain from communicating tactical instructions, and refrain from any negative emotion. Parents are encouraged to respectfully applaud good play and provide positive encouragement to the whole team. Negatively vocal parents and spectators only serve to instill embarrassment and fear in the children, which contrary to the beliefs of some parents that we’ve spoken to, it does not serve to “get them in line and buck up their ideas”.
Overly Competitive Coaches & Parents
Remember when you were a child? Was it all about the winning, or did you just enjoy going out and playing in the field with your friends? Of all the children we’ve spoken to, a vast majority of them value friendship and fun above any other aspect of the game. Winning is not often a consideration for the children, however it is often imposed upon them by overly competitive coaches and parents. Kids want to have fun, but their loyalties are torn because the coaches and parents are figures of leadership, respect, and authority. Their motives and reasons for being there are questioned. Their fun is sapped away as they begin to feel that they are there for the sole purpose of winning. They become demotivated if they don’t perform to “the required standard” as set by their parents, and start to feel despondent when they have a “bad game”. The children then turn on each other, critical of their performances. All of this is because of the negative impact imposed upon them by the very people who are supposed to be setting positive examples.
In summary
Whether you’re a parent, spectator, teacher, or coach, you should refrain from exhibiting negative behaviour. Some of the children present may have personal difficulties, troubles in school, be victims of bullying, domestic abuse, or other such difficulties. Recreation and team/character building time should be for exactly that purpose alone – for the children to mix, have fun, forget about any other troubles in their lives, and to be children.
A note to parents & coaches:
Remember these signs when you’re next at a game. Look out for them, be aware, and think of ways in which you can act differently in the future. Avoid confrontation and negativity, and give the children the support and encouragement you would expect from a role model.
Let us know your thoughts in the comments area at the bottom, and share your experiences. How would you do things differently? – We will be writing a follow-up article which explores the opposite side of the coin – how you should communicate with children during sporting activities. To be kept up to date you can subscribe to our Facebook and Twitter groups, or register to receive our newsletter.
