Entries Tagged 'NLP' ↓

Each new year many of us attempt to commit to a New Years Resolution – usually giving up something we like.  This more often than not results in failure to achieve your goal – or more accurately, failure to achieve the punishing regime that you’ve set yourself.

If you remove a cup of water from the ocean, the rest of the ocean immediately rearranges itself to fill that space.  A cup-shaped hole is never left behind.  Your life goals should work in exactly the same way.

Why do New Years Resolutions rarely work?

New Years Resolutions are simply not compelling enough to make you want to stick to them.  Ask someone what their New Years Resolutoin is and you’ll more often than not hear one of the following:

• I’m going to stop smoking
• I’m going to give up alcohol
• I’m going to stop going shopping as much
• I’m going to stop eating fatty food

I’ve taken the liberty of highlighting the important words in each of the statements above.  These are important because all of them – whilst describing the action you’re going to take – are inducing of negative actions.  Of course they are all meant with positive intentions, but the mere thought of preventing yourself from doing something that you take pleasure in can often be enough to breed resentment and negativity towards your goal.

If you’re constantly telling yourself “I’m going to stop doing this thing that I like”, you’ll often face inner resistance no matter how much you believe in what you’re trying to achieve.

How can you create a more compelling New Years Resolution?

If you’re going to have a New Years Resolution, immediately stop thinking about what you’re going to stop doing, and begin thinking, talking, and acting like what you actually do want to do.  For example, here’s a more compelling and desirable way of rewriting the previous resolutions:

• I’m going to stop smoking become a healthy non-smoker
• I’m going to give up alcohol drink more water and fruit juices and look after my body
• I’m going to stop going shopping save money to improve my standard of life for the future
• I’m going to stop eating fatty food eat more healthy foods and cut down on the things that are bad for my health

As you can see, the above goals are now more constructive and working towards an achievement rather than focussing on changing something.  You’re now working towards a replacement for the original thing which gave you pleasure.

For everything in your life that you want to remove, you must replace it with something else, and the best way to achieve your resolutions is to replace that thing with something that drives and motivates you more.

If you remove a cup of water from the ocean, the rest of the ocean immediately rearranges itself to fill that space.  A cup-shaped hole is never left behind.  Your life goals should work in exactly the same way.

How can I improve my chances / How can I set my goals?

We released an article about goal setting, which we would recommend you to follow rather than setting a simple New Years Resolution.  Goal setting can help to transform your entire life in a miriad of ways, ranging from your physical condition to your career goals and relationship goals.  The goal setting exercise allows you to really get creative and work out what you want more than anything else, and then whittle down your desires into manageable action-driven goals.  By setting yourself compelling bite-sized actions, you’re more likely to achieve, by firstly working on the small goals to gather momentum, then using that momentum to achieve the greater goals.

The original goal setting article can be found by following this link.

Good luck with your New Years Resolution and achieving your goals.  Remember, if you create compelling and desirable goals, you’ll stand a much greater chance of achieving them.

So many people that I’ve held private sessions with have reported what I can only describe as a “silent scream from the inside”. It is much like your subconscious is trying to tell you something, but you’re unable to respond proactively. The times when you know you should do something – whether a preventative action to avert a problem, or a constructive action to attain a new goal – but you’re unable to physically or mentally engage. It is almost like you’re not paying attention to yourself, or that you’re wide asleep!

Is this inability to respond because your conscious self is afraid of what the subconscious self is asking of you? Maybe it is because your subconscious self does not have enough conviction and qualifying evidence to allow your conscious self to trust it implicitly?

I’ve noticed these difficulties when I’ve dealt with personal clients, and also sporting professionals, and have even encountered these similar situations in my own life. From my own experience it’s been a trust issue between my conscious and subconscius self, and in effect a means of your conscious self keeping itself busy stacking up conflicting evidence and really just keeping itself busy enough so that you don’t have to face something new or challenging. Remember being a child and being told to tidy your room? – I’m sure you’d conveniently not hear the request in much the same way as I did!

Take the time to listen to yourself!

This entry was inspired by Viv Craske’s article entitled “Is your confidence in a coma?”.

In a previous article I mentioned Tony Robbins, a fantastic author and motivational speaker from California.  If you’ve not read or listened to Tony’s work, I would highly recommend you give it a try.  His own life story is exceptionally warming and inspiring – I’m not going to give away anything about it here and spoil the experience of reading it in Tony’s words!

Regardless of whether you’re looking for help in your personal life or business life, whether you’re starting a new job or setting up a business of your own, or whether you’re scared of flying or nervous about exams, there will be something to gain from reading his books.

For a starter I would recommend the fantastic book Awaken the Giant within: How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Life.  It’s one of the very first books of its kind that I ever read, and is what originally got me interested in the whole arena of motivation and self-coaching techniques  Also, a fantastic place to keep up to date with the latest Tony Robbins adventures, and also to receive regular ancient motivational and inspiring proverbs and quotes is via the Tony Robbins Twitter Page.  I have updates automatically sent to my BlackBerry like a text message (sms), so it’s almost like I’ve got Tony there coaching me on a daily basis.

We’ve all been “interviewed” countless times in some form during our lives. Whether it’s for the obvious – a new job – or any of the other times we’ve been questioned or judged by someone for the purposes of fact finding or testing suitability for a task.

Have a quick think now to all the times this has happened to you… to get you started, here’s a short list of the times I can recall from the top of my head:

• Primary School: The time I was told I could not succeed in mental arithmetic.
• Primary School: The time my parents were told that I was immature and never paid attention (I was 6 years old!).
• High School: The time when the careers adviser says I’m probably best not aiming to be an inspirational character.
• High School: The time the Year Tutor decided I was best pursuing a career in a History field.
• College: The time the year tutor urged me to go to university or I would be wasted in society.
• Jobs: The 6-7 job interviews and job applications I’ve been to.

If I followed all of the gems of advice I’ve had over the years I’d be a pretty different character. To give you an idea of how loosely their advice was followed, here’s a summary of my outcomes:

• I got a B in GCSE Maths – not bad for someone who’s told they can’t add up!
• I’m now sat here writing this article and being in ownership of FIVE companies and adviser for another three.
• I’m a motivational speaker, mental coach, and football coach… I’d say that’s pretty inspirational!
• I took Geography in school, attained an ‘A’ grade, and still take an active interest in Geography – I have no interest in traditional History subjects whatsoever, although Geology and Archaeology do interest me.
• I never went to university. I’d like to think my contribution and success is a testament to what can be achieved.
• Every job or promotion that I’ve applied for has been successful. The only jobs I’ve not “won” are the ones I’ve turned down because they didn’t suit me!

So what we can learn from this is that any advice given is not particularly good advice. In fact, most of it in my case was really ill-advised. People in influential positions can only advise you based on the half hour or so that you spend together – and let’s face it, most of the time you’re not going to open up to a person in that time frame. Is it really a surprise that they make such incorrect judgments? In fact, they’re probably making perfectly reasonable judgments based on what they’ve seen. What they see is what we choose to show them.

What does this then say about us? – We’re naturally rather defensive characters. We protect our emotions and feelings by being guarded. We keep our cards close to our chest until we feel comfortable with a person to trust them. None of these emotions and beliefs will really sit well in a situation where we’re going to be tested and scrutinised in a time-limited situation, are they?

One interviewer once told me “You’re completely new to this industry and you’re not the best candidate on paper for the job, but I like you and know that you will fit in well with the rest of the staff and will be able to learn the job”. All I did to achieve this was to follow the tips I’m about to share with you.

What can you do about it?

Be Open

You need to open up. You must “act as if” you are familiar with the interviewer to the extent of allowing them into your space and allowing them to endulge in your real self. In that short time they need to understand who you are, where you’re headed, and what motivates you. If you do not do this, you’ll give out a completely different impression of yourself, most likely either appearing extremely guarded, introvert and lacking confidence, or the mirror opposite – rather arrogant and self indulgent.

I’m sure you’ll agree that neither of these are inductive of a successful interview.

To achieve this: For a week leading up to the interview you should imagine yourself in general conversation with the interviewer. It doesn’t even matter if you’ve never seen them before. Imagine that you’ve been talking on the telephone or via email. Just imagine general flowing conversation and act as if you already have an open (yet professional) relationship with the interviewer. Whatever you do, DO NOT sit in the interview and refer to your imaginary conversations! The purpose of this exercise is to help you to become comfortable with the interviewer, not to scare them!

Be Calm

It’s crucial that you remain calm. Leading up to the interview make sure to practice sitting in silence and relaxing. It’s great to be able to focus and remain calm and comfortable in a situation where you must sit still and attentive. Read a book. Sit outside and watch a spider making a web. Go to a park and focus on leaves blowing in the breeze. Do anything that means you have to sit still and maintain discipline. You need to train yourself to be able to relax and focus on a task when everything else around us wants to get up and be active and fidgety.

Listen

Focus on what’s being asked rather than what you want to say. One of the worst things you can do is run off on a nervous or excitable tangent and neglect to answer the question being posed. The interviewer will be perpexed and wondering what you were hearing, and more destructively you’ll be smiling back at them with a satisfied look because you’re convinced you’ve just given the best answer that they’ve heard the entire day. Just keep things simple and answer the question that’s being asked.

Be Informed

If you’re going for an interview for a specific field, make sure you know about that field or industry. You’ll probably be asked questions which you can link in nicely to your knowledge of the role. Try to find out what they want in a person for the role and mentally prepare yourself to cite examples of those characteristics that you possess. It’s still crucial that you listen to the question and answer it accordingly, but if you can tie in a little piece of backup information, then go for it! Keep it short though. If they’re that interested in hearing more about it, they will be sure to ask you.

Further Reading

These tips should set you in good stead for your interview preparation. Remember that the person interviewing you is just that – a person. They cannot make good judgements or enlightened decisions unless you give them a true reflection of who you are and what you can bring to their company. They will appreciate your honesty. Every interview I’ve been to has been approached using these techniques and tips as a basis. I’ve been honest and frank about my intentions and have been awarded jobs based on my honesty and approachable nature.

To further enhance the chances of your success, Break Your Limits will be releasing additional mental conditioning techniques to help you prepare. We’ll be covering ways of putting yourself into the interviewers shoes and seeing the interview from their perspective, looking into the future and seeing where you really want to end up, and looking at ways of you imagining yourself already in that role and approaching the interview from a whole new perspective! Make sure to bookmark this page and check back for updates!

Have you ever needed to speak in front of a crowd or stand up at the front of the room to deliver a speech?  How did it make you feel?  If you were nervous leading up to it, or felt your stomach turn whilst making your way to the front of the room, then this technique is for you!

By using this technique you will be better prepared to deliver a speech, seminar, or any other public performance without experiencing the nerves and the apprehension that has previously plagued you.

By using this technique along with our Lockbox Technique, you’ll be sufficiently equipped to deal with almost any public speaking situation.

The Technique

1. I want you to relax and think back to the first time that you had to deliver a public performance and felt nervous.  For most people, this goes right back to primary education.  It might have been a “show and tell” experience, or reading a paragraph from a book in class.  Once you have the earliest reference you can find, keeping searching and thinking back further.  Does anything else spring to mind from an earlier time?  Once you’re confident that you have the earliest memory of a nervous public performance, please move on to the next step.
2. Focus on the memory that we established in step 1, and start to play it through in your mind.  Re-live that experience and notice the way in which you approached and handled the situation.  How could you have done things differently to change the experience into a pleasant one?  Consider your body language and your thought process leading up to the occasion.  Given the experience that you have at your disposal now, could you have handled the situation differently to your advantage?
3. Realise that you now have many more references and abilities in your arsenal than you did when this experience took place.  Compare yourself now to the person you were when this original event took place, and be aware of these differences, and the way in which you would handle the situation if it happened for the first time today.
4. Now cast the previous memories aside and imagine that this is the very first time that you will be delivering a public speech.  Imagine a time when you became excited about the unknown – It could be the excitement leading up to the anticipation of buying a house, a car, or visiting a new place.  Any time in the past where you were excited about something you’ve not experienced before.  Now remember how that made you feel.  It was something unknown, yet you were excited about it… so in that case why should you be nervous and anxious about something else that you’ve never experienced?  In the same way that you became excited about the “good things”, transfer this feeling of excitement into the prospect of delivering a great public speech.  Imagine yourself walking up to the front of the room with your shoulders pushed back, chest puffed out, and head held high.  Give yourself a proper smile – don’t just crunch up your mouth muscles, take it right up to your cheeks and your eyes, and even feel your forehead starting to pull.  As you approach the front of the room, see yourself up there from the eyes of a third party sat in the audience.  See how big you look?  See how confident you look and the respect you’re commanding in the room?  Everyone is there because you have something that they don’t have, and they want it.  They want to know what you know – you’ve got one up on them and they’re waiting for you to share this knowledge with them.  Now continue to play out the scene.  There’s a gently buzz of noise in the room, and then you stand up and begin to address the room. The room becomes silent as the audience listen to your every word with intrigue.  They want to know what you have to share with them, and they’re engrossed in your speech.  Notice as your words light up the room and the audience sit attentively waiting to hear more.  Play through your whole speech.  Everything is going to plan.  Everything is just right.  Now when you’ve finished your speech, see yourself wrapping it up and concluding your talk.  Notice as the room becomes alive with the buzz of a satisfied audience.  Notice their positive reaction to the end of your speech and the sight and sound of the occasion.
5. Now reflect on this event.  Did it go how you planned?  How does it make you feel about delivering the speech now?  If you’re still unsure about it, or feel that the way it plays out doesn’t suit your needs, then repeat Step 4 again, this time substituting the negative aspects of the event for elements which better suit your needs.  If you need an extra boost of confidence, now is the time to combine this method with the Lockbox Technique.
6. Now you should be raring to go and full of confidence.  Keep playing through this new imagery at least once a day, ideally twice a day until the night before you’re due to deliver the speech.  Each time you do this, create a physical cue to associate with this new feeling of confidence.  It could be pressing your finger and thumb together, tapping your hip, scrunching your toes, or any other quick and simple physical gesture to yourself.  On the day that you’re due to deliver, play it through in your mind first thing in the morning – you can do this whilst you’re in the shower or eating your breakfast – by now it’s so matter of fact that you don’t even need to concentrate on imagining it – you’ve done it so many times before.  It’s as much of a natural occurrence as sneezing, blinking, or itching your nose.
7. It’s now time to enter the scene for real!  Remember how you’ve played it through in your mind so many times, it’s become a natural event.  You’re full of confidence and you’re sure of yourself.  Your physical cue is armed and you’re ready to use it to invoke that extra boost of confidence and familiarity whenever you need it.  You know what you’re talking about and your audience and there because you have information that they want to hear.
8. You’re ready!

Many people have started seeking support to stop smoking using mental focus and willpower, sometimes combined with conventional strategies such as nicotine patches, nicotine sticks, or nicotine gum.  If you want to stop smoking with enough intensity, it’s possible to even stop smoking without any of the supplementary drug methods at all.  That’s right, many people have managed to stop smoking permanently after smoking for over 30 years just by using willpower alone.

We’ll be honest – It’s not easy unless you’re committed and willing to accept and pursue the life of a non-smoker.  By following our technique to stop smoking you will start to identify yourself as a non-smoker from the beginning.  A big part of the process is letting go of the part of your identity that attaches you to smoking.  Once you begin to believe that you are a non-smoker, you can then start to take positive action towards breaking your dependence on cigarettes and stacking up all the evidence to support your new belief with such intensity that the mere thought of smoking will repulse you!

The Technique

1. First of all, I want you to get a pen and paper and write at the top “What life will be like as a non-smoker”.  Next, work your way through the questions and suggestions below, writing your answers as sentences.Focus on what life will be like when you are a non-smoker.  You need to banish the belief that you are a smoker and start to identify yourself as a non-smoker.  How will this affect your life?  How will you feel when you are a healthy non-smoker?  What smells will you notice which were previously masked and choked by the effects of smoking on your senses?  What will people be saying to you when you have achieved this goal?  What will it be like to be able to stay in the pub and not have to leave the building for a smoke?  What will life be like on that flight to your holidays without the constant thought of getting off the plane and running to the smoker’s lounge?  What will your finances be like without the expense of cigarettes?  What else can you afford to do with the extra cash?How does this new life feel?  Do you like it?  Is it something you’re happy to attain?

   If you’re happy with it, then congratulations, you’re already making progress.  Read over your list a couple of times, then read on to step 2!

   If you’re not happy with it, then try again from the start.  Try to really believe in yourself.  You’re probably reading this because you’ve been searching for how to stop smoking, so you’ve taken the first steps… however in order to succeed you need to REALLY believe in being a non-smoker, and you need to want it enough.  If you’re not able to convince yourself of the life of a non-smoker then you might struggle to make this work.  We can’t wave a magic wand, we can merely guide and suggest – your success is dependent on how much you want it!

2. So, hopefully you’re reading on because you like the idea of being a non-smoker and you’ve produced enough references to support it.  If you’re still unsure, please read over the first step one more time to reinforce your beliefs.Now I want you to look back over your list and pick out the 6 most important important and impacting points that you wrote down.  Put a star next to each one.  It’s easier to work with half a dozen powerfully impacting motivating factors than a whole page of loose points that don’t really inspire you.Now get a fresh piece of paper and write at the top “What life is like now that I AM a non-smoker”.  It’s now time for you to start to truly believe that you are a non-smoker.  One of the most powerful things you can do to make something attainable is to act “as-if” it has already happened.  I want you to act like a non-smoker.  Believe that you are a non-smoker and start to live out that vision in your head.  Proceed to write down the 6 impacting motivational points as sentences taking in the present sense.  Start them with the words “I am…” or other such statements that really make them feel like they are happening right now.

   Is this what you REALLY want?  If not, work over your list again and make the changes you need to make this action compelling enough and comfortable enough for you to pursue.  We’re creating your future here, so it had better be good for you!

   Now read over your list.  As you read each item, begin to see, hear, and feel everything around you with this new behaviour in mind.  Repeat this process 3 times a day and watch as it becomes a part of your routine.  Eventually you won’t even need your list, but keep it anyway as a reference point of your incredible journey as a non-smoker.  The art of mastery is repetition, and only through making this new through process a habitual exercise will you start to live your life in this new way.

3. Now that you’ve built up the believe that you are a non-smoker, and you’re comfortable with how it feels, you should be raring to go with the process of actually rewiring your perception of smoking.  What we’ve done this far is helping you to build up a comfortable perception of being a non-smoker so that when we take action to stop the intake of nicotine, you will be happy with the direction that you’re heading.  Many people fail to stop because they are not prepared for life without smoking and so act in a way akin to bereavement and loss.  We’re taking the steps to help you to welcome the change and to be ready to make those all important steps and to be ready to welcome this exciting new life.People are generally more compelled to act to avoid pain rather than focus on what they do want.  We’ve already built up your impression of life as a non-smoker and now we need to help you to move away from the physical action of smoking.  So what we’ll do now is build up a list of images that push you away from smoking.
4. On a new piece of paper, think of as many negative aspects to smoking as you can.  If possible, think of things from your new non-smoker’s perspective.  Write down as many as you can, it doesn’t matter how small or trivial they appear, just write down everything that comes into your head.Now on a fresh piece of paper, write the heading “Reasons why I stopped smoking”.  On this piece of paper write in sentence form the most important and impacting of the items you just wrote down.  Remember that we’re writing this list as though it has already happened.  Think of each sentence as “I stopped smoking because…”.  We need to continue the belief that you are a non-smoker and as such we need to talk “as-if” it happened in the past – as-if you’ve already succeeded.Now whenever you read your “Life as a non-smoker” list, follow it straight away with your “Reasons why I stopped smoking”.  You will find that the two lists become very complimentary and self fulfilling.
5. We’re well on the way to creating your new life now.  How does it feel?  Are you happy with the progress you’re making?  Are you ready to step it up a level and stop yourself from putting the cigarette to your lips?  Then let’s move on…By now you may find your perception of smoking has changed and that you’re already “not as keen” on smoking.  There’s still work to do though!  We are now going to re-wire your thoughts of smoking and the way smoking triggers off your mental references.  Like any action, the physical action of smoking triggers references in your mind to events from the past.  Many people itch their neck or cheek for comfort, scratch their head when thinking, or tap their foot when they’re anxious or irritated.  What we’ll do now is utilise this fantastic human reflex action to help you to stop smoking.This can be quite a distressing step, so please make sure you’re in a place where you can be free with your emotions, ideally alone, and be completely honest with yourself.

   I want you to think of the three most distressing fears in your life.  It could be anything from the fear of spiders to the fear of death, bears, falling, heights, or any other fears that you may have.  We need to really focus and make sure that the intensity of these fears is compelling enough to shock you.  Be brave and jot down the three greatest and most upsetting fears in your life.

   Now pick one of your fears to work on.  I want you to relax, sit back, close your eyes and start to imagine this fear playing out in front of you.  Step into the situation and be aware of all of the sights, sounds, and actions unfolding around you.  Replay the situation slowly and vividly and be aware of how your emotional intensity heightens as you become more and more anxious and distressed.  Really feel the pain and the upset as though it is happening right now.  Keep this up until you feel the intensity is as high as it can get, then instantly imagine yourself picking up a cigarette.  I want you to channel all of this emotional pain into the cigarette and into the action of holding it.  Channel all of the intensity of the emotion into the cigarette, making sure that all of the emotions raised from the sights, sounds, and feelings of the event are attributed to the cigarette, and begin to create a link between the two.  Now in your mind, release the cigarette and at the same time release the negative emotions.  Think of a time when you were at your most content and release all the feelings of sadness.  Notice that the cigarette has gone.

   Repeat this process three times, each time making sure that the emotional intensity is associated with the action of picking up a cigarette.  Eventually you will make this into a habitual reaction.  You’ll realise that the mere action of picking up a cigarette will conjure up all of the feelings you once attributed to this fear.  You may even realise that the fear itself becomes less intense as you start to transfer the pain into another form – into the cigarette.

   Now repeat the last two paragraphs, this time working on your second fear, and instead of the act of picking up a cigarette, I want you to associate it with the act of putting the cigarette to your lips, and the feeling of the cigarette against your lips.

   Finally, with your third fear, repeat the two paragraphs again.  This time you will associate the pain with the act of lighting and inhaling the cigarette.

   I hope that this step was not too distressing for you.  Ideally you should have found it a little difficult, felt some emotional pain or discomfort.  Now that it’s been released into the cigarette you will be back to normal, free of the distress we manufactured.  If you found this step easy, then you’ve not done it properly!  Repeat again until you’ve felt the emotional discomfort.  Don’t be afriad of jumping into the emotion – we’re not keeping it, and it will soon be banished to the cigarette – you might even find that it reduces your fears as the cigarette adopts the pain for you!

6. Now everything is just fine and the emotions we raised have been released and are safe inside the cigarette.  If you really want to experience the pain again, all you need to do is pick up a cigarette, put it to your lips, and light it.  That is if you WANT to feel the pain – Three lots of emotional anxiety and stress wrapped up into one stick.  I know I certainly don’t want to smoke your cigarettes!Of course you don’t really want to feel the pain, do you?  As a non-smoker you have no need to do so.  You can make the choice to avoid the pain because you ARE a non-smoker.  You’re free to do as you choose.  You’re free to live your life as a non-smoker.  You’re free to live life this way in the same way that you’re free to shout from the top of a mountain, to itch your ear, tap your foot, or walk around your house with nothing on!  You’re free to make the choice and make the decision without any outside pressures.  This is as much a personal decision as whether to wear your red or black pants today!If you really want a cigarette, then light one up.  Be aware that cigarettes now have the power to cause you emotional pain.  If you still want to light up, then do it.  If you want to prove a point that you’re still capable of undoing all of our hard work and that you’re bigger and braver than the steps we’ve put in place, then go ahead.  But also bear in mind that you could jump all of the hurdles in the opposite direction and say “I did it, I was successful”.  You’ve come a long way to get here, and you should be proud of yourself for doing it.  Keep it up, keep referring back to this process when you need a top up, and by all means get in touch if you need some more help.

If this process has helped you, please share your stories of success at the bottom of this article.  I’m sure that your feedback will help others in your position to becoming non-smokers.

If you would like further assistance or help on a personal one-to-one session, please get in touch by emailing info@breakyourlimits.co.uk.

It’s a fact that first impressions really do count.  Whether you’re in an interview for a new job, meeting new colleagues for the first time, approaching someone you like at a bar, or meeting your partner’s friends or parents for the very first time.

Any of the scenarios mentioned above are likely to be high pressure and nerve-wracking times where many people react in a panic, often resulting in appearing on edge, hysterical, or foolish.  It doesn’t take me to tell you that the first impression you are likely to create in that mental state is far from being a true refection of your real self (unless of course you are naturally on edge, hysterical, and foolish!).

A good way to handle the emotional intensity and worry of these situations is to take a few minutes in the days leading up to the encounter to align your thoughts and feelings with your true self.  You can use a simple technique that I personally use and also teach my private clients which will allow you to draw on positive and resourceful emotions and experiences in order to give you the confidence to carry these past successes into present and future situations.  As a result, you will be able to create a more positive and productive first impression helping you to secure the job, set off on the right track with your new colleagues, positively engaging the girl or guy at the bar, and helping the future in-laws to adore you!

Remember that a person’s first impression of you is based on exactly what you show them.  You can choose to act with sensitivity and compassion, or you can choose to act with guile and grit.  You can be creative and handy, or you can be contemplatory and philosophical.  Many people that you meet will know exactly how they want you to feel towards them and will act accordingly to craft your first impressions.  They do not sit there thinking “I wonder what they will think of me”.  They stand boldly and inwardly state “THIS is what they WILL think of me”.  Ultimately it boils down to focus, self-belief, and an unwavering determination to create the desired outcome.

I’ve used this very technique to help me and many others to produce the resourceful state that they need, and to attain the outcomes that they desire.  I regularly use this method before business meetings, when meeting new clients, and even in shops and amongst new circles of friends.  One thing you must always remember when using this technique is that you are true to yourself.  You may feel you want to push the boundaries and act “above your station”, but remember that you will always be found out eventually.  Over time people will realise that there’s a mismatch between the impression you’re consciously trying to create, and the person that you really are.  A classic example of this is with the reality tv show Big Brother.  Regardless of the group of housemates you will always find in the first weeks that people will act with a sense of grandeur and holyness, and it only takes a short time for the true personalities to come out, denting the trust, affinity and familiarity that the viewers once held.

The golden rule is this: When creating a first impression, make sure that it aligns with your true self.  If you act in any other way, it will eventually come back to bite you, and it WILL hurt!

“Enough of the pretext” I hear you yell… let’s put it into action!

The technique that we will use here is the “Lockbox technique” which is a mental imagery system developed by Break Your Limits.  The Lockbox technique draws on some of the best parts of several other methods commonly used by NLP Practitioners and motivational speakers throughout the world, and it really does work.

In a nutshell, the Lockbox technique gives you the capacity to draw upon any mental state that you desire for a given situation.  You can stockpile an army of emotions to fuel any situation you encounter, including excitement, fear, trauma, determination, compassion… anything you want!

The Lockbox technique can be found here: Creating A Resourceful State With Our Lockbox NLP Technique

Let us know your success stories – we’re genuinely interested in hearing how this works for you!

Break Your Limits has developed a technique to enable you to draw upon all of your positive and resourceful experiences to help you to gain any mental advantage that you require.  Whatever you need to achieve can be stacked in your favour by conditioning your mind to utilise your own experiences as an army of support.  All you need to do is proactively package your past references into little boxes to use at your leisure!

This technique draws on metaphor and imagery and needs a little bit of imagination, so make sure you’re starting it at a time when you’re feeling inspired or creative for the best possible start.  Have a glass of water to nourish your mind, sit comfortably, and enjoy!

Creating your lockbox of positive references

For the purpose of this exercise, we’re going to assume that you’re going to meet someone for the first time and you want them to see your compassionate and kind side.  You need to believe that you really are that way, and to do that, you need to stack the odds in your favour…

1. Begin to focus on what you want to achieve at the end of this encounter. It can be any time where you need to interact with someone to establish a positive first impression as a compassionate and kind person.
2. Think of the qualities that you possess which align with the target’s beliefs, morals, and principles.
3. Cast your mind back to references from the past where you have used these qualities. Draw on as many references as possible. They can be little trivial examples, such as demonstrating compassion by opening a window to let a bee fly out, or moving a frog from the side of the road… or maybe the time when you decided not to pull the legs and wings off a crane fly (that’s a daddy long-legs for the children amongst us – me included!). Or it could be a major act of kindness… helping an elderly person to cross the road, attending to someone as they fell in the street, or telling someone you loved them.
4. Now imagine a box in front of you. In this box you can store all of your memories and experiences to be of benefit to you. You can start to sift through the memories you collected earlier in order to find the really resourceful ones. Anything that will benefit you in this scenario should be copied and placed inside the box. When you’ve finished, close the box and lock it. All of the positive emotions will start to churn and brew and gain intensity.
5. Next, imagine a concrete mould to your left. In this mould you can pour all of the instances where you have failed to utilise these qualities. For every time you pulled the legs off the crane fly, stick it in the concrete mould. For every time you laughed at someone trip or fall over, stick it in the concrete mould. Any instance of a negative behaviour which goes against your desired state… put it in the concrete mould. Eventually you’ll have put every negative state into the mould. Now lock them out forever by setting every reference deep inside the mould. Take the hardened block and bury it deep into the ground behind you. If concrete can contain radioactive material then surely it can keep your negative references away!
6. By now your lockbox of positive references should be ready to open up! Unlock the box and embrace the energy of the positive emotions. Really get immersed in them and draw upon the positivity within them. Really start to understand them and how they have made you into the person that you are and will be for the future.
7. Lock the box again and put it safely in your inside pocket. These are your references and your memories. You can use them whenever you want and you will feel the benefit of them. Keep going back to the box a couple of times a day. Eventually they will become an intrinsic part of you. You won’t need to use the box all the time, but it will always be there to serve you.

Once you have competed this technique, you can take time to repeat it for other resourceful states. Amongst my collection I have boxes to give me:

• Confidence
• Determination
• Compassion
• Competitive drive
• Phobia cure
• Challenging fears

and many more too!

Let us know how you get on with this technique and how it feels. Everybody has a slightly different approach, so experiment with it. Use this technique as a blueprint, try it on your friends, and give us some feedback. All we ask is that you credit Break Your Limits where possible, and give some feedback!

If you would like further help with this technique or any other element of NLP, you can enquire about a private session by emailing info@breakyourlimits.co.uk.

It’s inevitable that one day we will all experience the upset of being told that someone close to us is seriously ill and may not survive. It’s natural for when that time comes, we’ll completely change character for a period of time before settling back to our normal routine. Everything that we hold true as morals and principles and traits may well start to fall away from us as we question everything that we once held true. This is perfectly normal – you’ve just had a massive shock to your routine and systems. Whilst our mortality is an inevitable fact, we still don’t properly accept or understand it until someone close is affected.

Even if you’re prepared for it, the true implications probably won’t sink in until the day actually arrives. I know this is true with me. I’ve probably had one of the worst weeks of my life and I’m not saying that lightly. This week alone I attended a funeral on Tuesday, on Wednesday my grandad was diagnosed with having cancer, and there was another family funeral on Friday. I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s not the greatest week one could have!

Clearly I’m distrought at all of this news, and it’s a terrible time for all of the family and a massive energy drain. Despite all of this, I remain positive and as upbeat as possible through these hard times. I won’t lie; I’m extremely upset and frustrated – maybe even at times angry and bitter at nature – and want to ask why nature has dealt such a cruel blow when things were all going so smoothly… but by the same token I’m content in the knowledge that I’ve been given a kick to push for even more from myself and that the family will be brought together in unison. It’s a real push-pull of emotions and it can be incredibly difficult to manage and maintain positive focus.

So given the series of trauma and my natural reactions, how have I managed to keep going and gain some positives and write this article?

In a few short words: Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques, and lots of faith and trust in my own capacity to deal with life’s challenges.

I’ve been using two key techniques that we use in Neuro-Linguistic Programming which are commonly used for conflict resolution and phobias. Surely enough, dealing with bereavement is connected with our fear of loss and change, whilst we are in conflict with our own feelings about how we should deal with the situation. I’m sure that if you’ve dealt with bereavement you will have rapidly changed your mood and been upbeat one minute, then feeling guilty and low the next.

This is a perfectly normal reaction and is absolutely fine. It can often be an ease on your emotions to adopt a few mental management techniques. For my own benefit, I’ve found that one of the most supportive techniques that you can apply is the technique:

Perceptual Positions to deal with serious illness and bereavement or the death of a loved one

1. Put yourself into your own perspective and play out what’s happening in the present. See, hear, and feel everything that’s happening. This is an emotionally intense time for you, so it may be difficult at first to truly connect. Experience what’s really happening around you, and how it makes you feel. Be aware of exactly how you’re feeling and how your body language, words, and emotions are affecting the current situation.
2. Now put yourself into the position of the person that you’re emotional or mourning for. Picture the scene from their perspective. How do they feel? How do your reactions affect them? What do you need to do to make their experience of the situation better? What are they telling you to do? If they were fit and healthy what would they be telling you to do?
3. Thirdly, put yourself in the position of a third person. Someone that you admire. Ideally an outsider with no direct emotional link to the situation. This could be someone in your personal life that you admire or respect, or it could be a famous person. Whoever it is, it should be someone that you respect and admire. See the current scene played out from their eyes. How do they interpret your actions? How would they do things differently? What would you need to change to please this person of respect? What would they be saying to you that would enforce a change inside of you?
4. Now sit back and evaluate what you have learned. From what you have learned, what would need to change to make this new behaviour possible? Would this new behaviour be of benefit to you and those around you? Would these changes make the situation better to deal with? Are there any negative implications of this new behaviour?
5. If you are not entirely happy with your new position, repeat the process and substitute the unfavourable experiences for new refined and improved ones. Keep repeating the process until you are happy that you have a formula that will be of benefit to you. Remember that your old behaviour did once serve you, however it is now time to let go and adopt this new approach which will make your experience more positive and will help those around you to benefit also.
6. Once you are comfortable with this change, go back into playing out the scene from your own perspective, but this time act it out with your new, better serving, manageable approach. How does this new approach feel? Is it right? Does it serve you better than your old behaviour? If so, try to repeat the process of seeing the new approach twice a day until it’s firmly embedded in your mind. Play it out so that no other eventuality is possible and you’re able to conduct yourself in this way for real. It will soon become as much a part of your reality as anything else and will in time feel natural and right.

Upon completing the process, you will have a greater capacity to take a little bit of the edge off the pain and intensity, or even detach from the intensity of the situation completely. Sure enough you will still feel some upset, however you’ll be much better equipped to deal with the situation and pull through it stronger and more resilient.

There is certainly honour in dealing with illness and bereavement in this way, and there can be no feelings of disrespect in your mind. I know it’s often hard to “act like normal” because it appears as though you’re not being respectful, but in truth we’re only ever mourning for our own loss. The most important thing is to stay strong and maintain a good support network whilst using the above technique to manage your emotions.

If you would like to try an alternative technique, I will soon publish another article outlining a technique which enables you to break from the intensity of the situation by interpreting the scene it as though you are watching it from the outside. It’s a technique used in NLP usually to cure fears and phobias, and I’ve found it to transfer perfectly into situations of loss and upset. You will effectively cut out a lot of the emotional attachment that doesn’t serve you productively. We’re all human, so you’ll still have emotional attachment, but this technique will help you to manage your emotions and get more positivity and quality time out of the unfortunate situation. I will share this technique with you in the coming days – for now I must support my family!

EDIT 7th July 2009: Since writing this article, my grandfather has sadly passed away. He died peacefully in his sleep. Thank you to everybody for your kind words of condolence.

Professional tennis – much like any sport – is a highly competitive realm of top level sportsmen striving to be better than any other player in the world.  The same goes for football, golf, and on the less physical side, even snooker, darts, and chess!

Does it strike you as strage that I should draw comparisons between football and chess?  Sure it does… so allow me to adapt the statement a little.

Top level competitors strive to outplay every other competitor in the world.

Does that make more sense?  If you analyse any sport, you’ll find each player has their own unique technique.  To build a picture, let’s look at three modern tennis players, all claimants to the #1 rank in the world at some point in their recent history.  First of all, we have Andy Roddick, reliant on his menacing serve.  Secondly, Rafa Nadal with his aggressive baseline game.  Then there’s Roger Federer with his excellent all-round game. All three players have completely different techniques and styles, yet have all experienced the ultimate status of holding the #1 rank.

This does raise an interesting point.  If there’s no “ultimate game style”, then there must be another factor in sports performance.  Something that doesn’t directly boil down to the capacity for technique and style.  The hidden factor I speak of is morale.

How does Form/Morale work?

Whilst Form and Morale are intrinsically linked, we’re going to focus on morale today.  Form is a measure of relative performance over a period of time, where as morale is a measure of mental state and focus.  Form can affect morale, and morale can affect form.  We will cover this in more detail another time, however for now we will draw on the external factors affecting morale.

Morale is comprised of several influences.  Of course fitness plays a part in both form and morale.  Without being in peak physical condition an athlete will quickly lose a considerable portion of their performance and a resultant factor would be a dip in form and possibly a dent in confidence (morale).  So let’s assume all the participants in this year’s Wimbledon are of similar quality both technically and physically.  Someone has to win, and often the winner will be victorious by a resounding result.  How could this be?  On paper they’re relatively evenly matched.

What we’re left with is mental state (morale).  If a player is in peak physical condition and has the “perfect technique”, they are still likely to fall if they’re not in the right frame of mind.  You’ve probably observed althletes performing fantastically and completely dominating their opponent, only to suffer a dramatic twist in fate following an interval.

A great example of this is during Wimbledon, the English Tennis Open.  Players will spend hours prior to a game getting mentally prepared, running through a whole host of mental techniques to ensure they have the best possible chance of winning.  By the time they get on court they’re brimming with confidence.  They’re in the zone and ready to take the match by storm.  They win the first set 6-2 and the second set 6-1, and then in true English fashion, the rain starts to fall (or if we’re lucky and have good weather like the 2009 Wimbledon Open, darkness may stop the game).  They’re cut in their tracks, and head back to the dressing room holding a comfortable two set lead.  When the court is ready to resume play, the tables often turn.  The leader has time to reflect and is detached from their previous positive state, and nerves may creep in.  Conversely, the player chasing the game has time to recompose and gear themselves up for the gargantuan task ahead.  It then becomes a battle between nerves and desire.  It is at this time when we can see some big upsets.

Examples of morale in action

The 2009 Wimbledon Open has had a good spell of weather, so the only real distrution has been nightfall.  However with the weather unusually reliable, we’ve seen more quick and straightforward games than we’d have expected.  Here’s a few examples:

17 year old Oudin (124) beat 6th Seed Jankovic

After the game, Jankovicwas critical of Oudin, claiming she lost due to heat exhaustion and “women’s problems”.  Regardless of this, Oudin proved headstrong and focussed in defeating Jankovic.  Oudin’s streak came to an end on 29th June, just one match away from reaching the quarter finals in her first ever Wimbledon tournament.

5th Seed French Open Champion Kuznetsova defeated by #37 Lisicki

19 year old grass court novice, Sabine Lisicki has been incredibly optimistic and headstrong about her mental game, and it’s truly paid dividends as she defeated 5th Seed Svetlana Kuznetsova in the 3rd round of the Winbledon Open.  After the game, Lisicki commented “It’s a huge win for me because before Wimbledon I had not won a match on grass”.

How does morale affect the game to this extent?

Wimbledon can cause many upsets due to the unpredictable weather conditions.  Players get mentally prepared and often have their games affected by stopping for rain.  When back on court they often lose their supremacy and concede to a slump in form.

Mental focus and Neural Programming is not only a decision that we make for our life ethos, but also a tools that we can utilise for an immediate and temporaryperformance enhancement.  The same is true for almost all facets of our lives.  Motivational speakers and performers often use such techniques to enhance their delivery on stage.  In football, Liverpool FC’s Anfield Stadium has the slogan “This Is Anfield” at the pitch entrance – a slogan which breeds confidence and passion in the Liverpool players, and in equal measure induces fear and nerves in the opposition every time they walk down the tunnel.

How can I use these techniques?

There’s a popular quote by Henry Ford as follows:

Whether You Believe You Can, Or You Can’t, You Are Right

There’s a whole range of techniques we could use to demonstrate this point.  I’ll go into them in quite some detail in a future post.  I’m sure you would find them very interesting to try on your friends and colleagues.  They can be applied to illustrate the importance of mental focus and positivity in all areas of life.  Whatever you’re doing, the same rule applies: If you unconditionally believe that you can achieve something, then you standa  much better chance of achieving it.

Naturally, this only applies to things within the realms of reality and your remit.  Clearly no matter how hard you tried to believe it, you could not reach the moon just by flapping your arms, nor could you sprint unaided faster than a Formula 1 car.

Where can I learn more?

We will publish a follow up to this post detailing some techniques for you to use to demonstrate morale in action, and also some tips for you to use to carry forward into your daily life.  I’m sure that these tips will improve your life and have the capacity to have a resounding impact on your own potential for success.

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Have you got any stories of your success through mental focus?  If you have, we’d love you to share them with us below.