It’s inevitable that one day we will all experience the upset of being told that someone close to us is seriously ill and may not survive. It’s natural for when that time comes, we’ll completely change character for a period of time before settling back to our normal routine. Everything that we hold true as morals and principles and traits may well start to fall away from us as we question everything that we once held true. This is perfectly normal – you’ve just had a massive shock to your routine and systems. Whilst our mortality is an inevitable fact, we still don’t properly accept or understand it until someone close is affected.

Even if you’re prepared for it, the true implications probably won’t sink in until the day actually arrives. I know this is true with me. I’ve probably had one of the worst weeks of my life and I’m not saying that lightly. This week alone I attended a funeral on Tuesday, on Wednesday my grandad was diagnosed with having cancer, and there was another family funeral on Friday. I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s not the greatest week one could have!

Clearly I’m distrought at all of this news, and it’s a terrible time for all of the family and a massive energy drain. Despite all of this, I remain positive and as upbeat as possible through these hard times. I won’t lie; I’m extremely upset and frustrated – maybe even at times angry and bitter at nature – and want to ask why nature has dealt such a cruel blow when things were all going so smoothly… but by the same token I’m content in the knowledge that I’ve been given a kick to push for even more from myself and that the family will be brought together in unison. It’s a real push-pull of emotions and it can be incredibly difficult to manage and maintain positive focus.

So given the series of trauma and my natural reactions, how have I managed to keep going and gain some positives and write this article?

In a few short words: Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques, and lots of faith and trust in my own capacity to deal with life’s challenges.

I’ve been using two key techniques that we use in Neuro-Linguistic Programming which are commonly used for conflict resolution and phobias. Surely enough, dealing with bereavement is connected with our fear of loss and change, whilst we are in conflict with our own feelings about how we should deal with the situation. I’m sure that if you’ve dealt with bereavement you will have rapidly changed your mood and been upbeat one minute, then feeling guilty and low the next.

This is a perfectly normal reaction and is absolutely fine. It can often be an ease on your emotions to adopt a few mental management techniques. For my own benefit, I’ve found that one of the most supportive techniques that you can apply is the technique:

Perceptual Positions to deal with serious illness and bereavement or the death of a loved one

1. Put yourself into your own perspective and play out what’s happening in the present. See, hear, and feel everything that’s happening. This is an emotionally intense time for you, so it may be difficult at first to truly connect. Experience what’s really happening around you, and how it makes you feel. Be aware of exactly how you’re feeling and how your body language, words, and emotions are affecting the current situation.
2. Now put yourself into the position of the person that you’re emotional or mourning for. Picture the scene from their perspective. How do they feel? How do your reactions affect them? What do you need to do to make their experience of the situation better? What are they telling you to do? If they were fit and healthy what would they be telling you to do?
3. Thirdly, put yourself in the position of a third person. Someone that you admire. Ideally an outsider with no direct emotional link to the situation. This could be someone in your personal life that you admire or respect, or it could be a famous person. Whoever it is, it should be someone that you respect and admire. See the current scene played out from their eyes. How do they interpret your actions? How would they do things differently? What would you need to change to please this person of respect? What would they be saying to you that would enforce a change inside of you?
4. Now sit back and evaluate what you have learned. From what you have learned, what would need to change to make this new behaviour possible? Would this new behaviour be of benefit to you and those around you? Would these changes make the situation better to deal with? Are there any negative implications of this new behaviour?
5. If you are not entirely happy with your new position, repeat the process and substitute the unfavourable experiences for new refined and improved ones. Keep repeating the process until you are happy that you have a formula that will be of benefit to you. Remember that your old behaviour did once serve you, however it is now time to let go and adopt this new approach which will make your experience more positive and will help those around you to benefit also.
6. Once you are comfortable with this change, go back into playing out the scene from your own perspective, but this time act it out with your new, better serving, manageable approach. How does this new approach feel? Is it right? Does it serve you better than your old behaviour? If so, try to repeat the process of seeing the new approach twice a day until it’s firmly embedded in your mind. Play it out so that no other eventuality is possible and you’re able to conduct yourself in this way for real. It will soon become as much a part of your reality as anything else and will in time feel natural and right.

Upon completing the process, you will have a greater capacity to take a little bit of the edge off the pain and intensity, or even detach from the intensity of the situation completely. Sure enough you will still feel some upset, however you’ll be much better equipped to deal with the situation and pull through it stronger and more resilient.

There is certainly honour in dealing with illness and bereavement in this way, and there can be no feelings of disrespect in your mind. I know it’s often hard to “act like normal” because it appears as though you’re not being respectful, but in truth we’re only ever mourning for our own loss. The most important thing is to stay strong and maintain a good support network whilst using the above technique to manage your emotions.

If you would like to try an alternative technique, I will soon publish another article outlining a technique which enables you to break from the intensity of the situation by interpreting the scene it as though you are watching it from the outside. It’s a technique used in NLP usually to cure fears and phobias, and I’ve found it to transfer perfectly into situations of loss and upset. You will effectively cut out a lot of the emotional attachment that doesn’t serve you productively. We’re all human, so you’ll still have emotional attachment, but this technique will help you to manage your emotions and get more positivity and quality time out of the unfortunate situation. I will share this technique with you in the coming days – for now I must support my family!

EDIT 7th July 2009: Since writing this article, my grandfather has sadly passed away. He died peacefully in his sleep. Thank you to everybody for your kind words of condolence.

Professional tennis – much like any sport – is a highly competitive realm of top level sportsmen striving to be better than any other player in the world.  The same goes for football, golf, and on the less physical side, even snooker, darts, and chess!

Does it strike you as strage that I should draw comparisons between football and chess?  Sure it does… so allow me to adapt the statement a little.

Top level competitors strive to outplay every other competitor in the world.

Does that make more sense?  If you analyse any sport, you’ll find each player has their own unique technique.  To build a picture, let’s look at three modern tennis players, all claimants to the #1 rank in the world at some point in their recent history.  First of all, we have Andy Roddick, reliant on his menacing serve.  Secondly, Rafa Nadal with his aggressive baseline game.  Then there’s Roger Federer with his excellent all-round game. All three players have completely different techniques and styles, yet have all experienced the ultimate status of holding the #1 rank.

This does raise an interesting point.  If there’s no “ultimate game style”, then there must be another factor in sports performance.  Something that doesn’t directly boil down to the capacity for technique and style.  The hidden factor I speak of is morale.

How does Form/Morale work?

Whilst Form and Morale are intrinsically linked, we’re going to focus on morale today.  Form is a measure of relative performance over a period of time, where as morale is a measure of mental state and focus.  Form can affect morale, and morale can affect form.  We will cover this in more detail another time, however for now we will draw on the external factors affecting morale.

Morale is comprised of several influences.  Of course fitness plays a part in both form and morale.  Without being in peak physical condition an athlete will quickly lose a considerable portion of their performance and a resultant factor would be a dip in form and possibly a dent in confidence (morale).  So let’s assume all the participants in this year’s Wimbledon are of similar quality both technically and physically.  Someone has to win, and often the winner will be victorious by a resounding result.  How could this be?  On paper they’re relatively evenly matched.

What we’re left with is mental state (morale).  If a player is in peak physical condition and has the “perfect technique”, they are still likely to fall if they’re not in the right frame of mind.  You’ve probably observed althletes performing fantastically and completely dominating their opponent, only to suffer a dramatic twist in fate following an interval.

A great example of this is during Wimbledon, the English Tennis Open.  Players will spend hours prior to a game getting mentally prepared, running through a whole host of mental techniques to ensure they have the best possible chance of winning.  By the time they get on court they’re brimming with confidence.  They’re in the zone and ready to take the match by storm.  They win the first set 6-2 and the second set 6-1, and then in true English fashion, the rain starts to fall (or if we’re lucky and have good weather like the 2009 Wimbledon Open, darkness may stop the game).  They’re cut in their tracks, and head back to the dressing room holding a comfortable two set lead.  When the court is ready to resume play, the tables often turn.  The leader has time to reflect and is detached from their previous positive state, and nerves may creep in.  Conversely, the player chasing the game has time to recompose and gear themselves up for the gargantuan task ahead.  It then becomes a battle between nerves and desire.  It is at this time when we can see some big upsets.

Examples of morale in action

The 2009 Wimbledon Open has had a good spell of weather, so the only real distrution has been nightfall.  However with the weather unusually reliable, we’ve seen more quick and straightforward games than we’d have expected.  Here’s a few examples:

17 year old Oudin (124) beat 6th Seed Jankovic

After the game, Jankovicwas critical of Oudin, claiming she lost due to heat exhaustion and “women’s problems”.  Regardless of this, Oudin proved headstrong and focussed in defeating Jankovic.  Oudin’s streak came to an end on 29th June, just one match away from reaching the quarter finals in her first ever Wimbledon tournament.

5th Seed French Open Champion Kuznetsova defeated by #37 Lisicki

19 year old grass court novice, Sabine Lisicki has been incredibly optimistic and headstrong about her mental game, and it’s truly paid dividends as she defeated 5th Seed Svetlana Kuznetsova in the 3rd round of the Winbledon Open.  After the game, Lisicki commented “It’s a huge win for me because before Wimbledon I had not won a match on grass”.

How does morale affect the game to this extent?

Wimbledon can cause many upsets due to the unpredictable weather conditions.  Players get mentally prepared and often have their games affected by stopping for rain.  When back on court they often lose their supremacy and concede to a slump in form.

Mental focus and Neural Programming is not only a decision that we make for our life ethos, but also a tools that we can utilise for an immediate and temporaryperformance enhancement.  The same is true for almost all facets of our lives.  Motivational speakers and performers often use such techniques to enhance their delivery on stage.  In football, Liverpool FC’s Anfield Stadium has the slogan “This Is Anfield” at the pitch entrance – a slogan which breeds confidence and passion in the Liverpool players, and in equal measure induces fear and nerves in the opposition every time they walk down the tunnel.

How can I use these techniques?

There’s a popular quote by Henry Ford as follows:

Whether You Believe You Can, Or You Can’t, You Are Right

There’s a whole range of techniques we could use to demonstrate this point.  I’ll go into them in quite some detail in a future post.  I’m sure you would find them very interesting to try on your friends and colleagues.  They can be applied to illustrate the importance of mental focus and positivity in all areas of life.  Whatever you’re doing, the same rule applies: If you unconditionally believe that you can achieve something, then you standa  much better chance of achieving it.

Naturally, this only applies to things within the realms of reality and your remit.  Clearly no matter how hard you tried to believe it, you could not reach the moon just by flapping your arms, nor could you sprint unaided faster than a Formula 1 car.

Where can I learn more?

We will publish a follow up to this post detailing some techniques for you to use to demonstrate morale in action, and also some tips for you to use to carry forward into your daily life.  I’m sure that these tips will improve your life and have the capacity to have a resounding impact on your own potential for success.

If you want to hear more, you can follow our feed, bookmark the site, orsubscribe to our twitter updates.

Have you got any stories of your success through mental focus?  If you have, we’d love you to share them with us below.

There’s a lot to be said for doing a good deed.  In this modern world that we live in, it’s too easy to get wrapped up in our “normal” lives and spend all of our time chasing something for our own game.  Wouldn’t it be a great change to get away from chasing targets every day, whether it be salary, sales targets, or any of the other number games we seem to get transfixed on?

One of the great keys to personal success is personal fulfilment.  For most people, goals and achievements are defined as tangible or monetary gains.  It’s true that these things can give us the stability to achieve greater things, but if we remove mass marketing and mass media from our minds for a minute, what’s left?  Well for a start you wouldn’t be striving to buy that exclusive sports car, the holiday home in Tahiti, or the designer clothes that seem to all form a big part of many people’s ideal of success.

Success goes much deeper than that.  Success is not necessarily a measure of how much money one has, nor a measure of how many possessions one can claim as their own.

True success is a feeling deep inside.  Let’s try something – In principle I want you to strip away all of your possessions.  Take away everything that was bought or inherited or paid for with money.  What’s left?  Are you happy with what you’ve got?  If not, why not?  Do you maybe feel that there’s nothing to shout about once the possessions have gone?  If so, you could really benefit by doing something special for someone else!  You can make the choice to change someone’s life for the better.

On 26th June 2009, I had the great pleasure of helping at a charity event organised by Salford-based charity Gears+ and Friends of Chernobyl’s Children.  The event was aimed at giving the children a fun day to remember.  Everybody had a fantastic day – and I really do mean everyone.  Naturally the children were delighted at the chance to ride in a hovercraft around a farm, over hills, through freshly cut grass, and over a lake (who wouldn’t love that?!).  They enjoyed riding the buggy, quad bike and morotcycle around the fields too.  Equally, the event organisers, volunteers, and sponsors had a great time too!  Not only did we all get to feel like oversized children with the blessing of being away from our desks and spending a day in the glorious sunshine, but we also gained so much in seeing how much the children enjoyed and appreciated the day.  The personal feeling of contribution certainly outweighs the monetary deficit from being away from my desk for the day.

Here’s the important part… It takes people such as the event organisers and sponsors to make things like this happen.  Without them there wouldn’t have been an event at all.

With any luck, you’re now feeling like contributing and getting a real slice of success in your life… if not, what else do you need to be convinced?  That question is not rhetorical, I’m genuinely interested in hearing why you’re not inspired to do soemthing good to contribute to others, so please leave me your comments!

If you are inspired to do something good for someone, here’s a few ideas for you to get started:

Are you a Business Owner / PR Manager?  You could…

• Find a local charity and arrange sponsorship of an event
• Arrange to get your staff involved helping at an event – It could be part of their PDP
• Promote good causes in your email footers
• Write articles about good causes on your website
• Send your staff on a fun and fulfilling group charity event rather than the usual costly team building sessions

Interested in volunteering?  You could…

• Contact your local council for a list of charities and give them a call
• Search Google for local charity events and get in touch with them
• Contact registered charities and ask if they need any volunteers

These are just a few ways you could get involved.  If you’d like to contribute additional ideas, leave a comment and we can amend the article accordingly.

We would would love to hear your stories of success through contribution.  If you’d like to share them with us, please leave a comment, or send an email.

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Throughout 2008 and 2009 I’ve been studying NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) in different forms.  It’s helped me greatly in adjusting my mental and physical approach to life, so I thought I’d share with you a few little pieces of information…

For those of you unaware of what NLP really is, here’s a definition from the Natural Therapies Glossary at Therapeutic Pillow International:

NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a name that encompasses three influential components involved in producing human experience: neurology, language and programming. The neurological system regulates how the body functions, language determines how individuals interface and communicate with other people and a person’s programming determines the kinds of models of the world they create. Neuro-Linguistic Programming describes the fundamental dynamics between mind (neuro) and language (linguistic) and how their interplay effects the body and behavior (programming). The basic premise of NLP is that; the words we use reflect an inner, subconscious perception of our problems. If these words and perceptions are inaccurate, as long as we continue to use them and to think of them, the underlying problem will persist. In other words, our attitudes are, in a sense, a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Put simply, instead of using words like “I feel like crap” or “I’m destined to fail”, it’s much more productive and inspiring to use phrases such as “I’m a little miffed” or “I’m determined to succeed”.  Also, the way you index references often comes into play.  However you remember an incident will be how you reference it for the rest of your life – unless you consciously change it in your subconscious!  You effectively need to self-publicise and create some government-style spin in your own head.  Here’s a quick example:

You trip up in the street and you’re immediately conscious of it.  You see people all around you looking and smiling and assume they’re laughing at you… so you can either remember that as the time you made a complete fool of yourself in the street… or you can just dismiss it as a minor inconvenience – hey, at least you made someone smile!  Now clearly it’s more productive to brush it off and move on and make light of it than to dwell, right?

Similarly for good things GREAT THINGS (we’re being overly positive, remember), you should index (remember/file) them as the most fantastic things in the world ever!  How about that stranger that smiled at you in the street today?  The shop asistant that smiled politely and wished you a good day?  The fun you had on holiday with friends?  Sure you’ll remember it if you think back hard enough, but these things should be the memories in the front of your mind, not tucked back behind all the feelings of negativity.

Next time someone smiles at you, remember it as “The world is a lovely place where strangers greet you and wish you well”.  Next time you experience even the slightest gesture – a friend passing you a beer, asking your opinion on something, or inviting you out to watch a game, movie, or go shopping – file it away as “I have great friends, they value my opinion and like to include me in their lives.”.

As you will notice, it’s far more productive to “self-self-publicise” (that’s my phrase – no stealing it!).  If you can convince yourself that the bad things are really just “minor asides” and that the briefest of positives are “brilliant and fantastic”, then your whole mental state and approach to life will shift considerably.

We’re creatures of habit, and we habitually dwell on the negative, whether that be through social conditioning, mass media, or any of the hundreds of other influences offered to us daily… it doesn’t really matter.  You have the power to take control of your own direction, so do it today!

Since using these techniques I’ve evolved and developed in every aspect of my life, and I encourage anyone to give them a try.  Here’s two books that I’d recommend reading that may be of interest:

Both are very good books indeed, and will help you to achieve greater personal and professional life.

If anyone is interested in learning more about NLP or want to study it further, I was trained at the NLP Centre of Excellence by Jimmy Petruzzi.  They operate out of Manchester (England), but I’m sure if you’re from elsewhere they will be able to point you towards another reputable trainer or arrange for your training in Manchester.  (I am in no way connected or affiliated with NLP Centre of Excellence – this recommendation comes from my experience of them as a training centre.)

The title of this post comes from a quote from Albert Schweitzer, which goes:

Success is not the key to happiness.  Happiness is the key to success.  If you love what you’re doing, you will be successful.

I received that quote from Tony Robbins’ Twitter feed, and it made me reflect upon my own decisions and the ways in which my life has changed over the years.  I urge anybody to follow their heart, their dreams, their desires.  If at first it may not make you financially rich, it will fulfil your personal desires, and will likely guide you towards ways of transforming your personal success into a professional windfall!

What brought this on?

I’ve worked for several companies since leaving college in 2000, and in 2007 I made the decision to leave and go it alone.  As of June 2009, I’ve got four businesses and another two in the pipeline.  I’m going strong and loving every minute of it.  I don’t want it to stop – I dread the thought of not having a flourishing adventure to occupy my time.  I’m working on various community and charity projects, and I’m going out to Africa to help with wildlife protection and education in Malawi.  I’m setting up a company to improve education and sports services in the UK with a very influential sports/motivational coach.

How did it all begin?

On reflection, the single best decision I made was in leaving my most recent full time job.  There was nothing wrong with it.  I was happy there, but the desire had subsided.  I’d begun to let my mind wander and to think “Oh, how I wish I was like Tony Robbins”, or “Why can’t I have Richard Branson’s adventures?”, and other such thoughts… then I realised something I read by Tony Robbins…

The only thing keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself about why you can’t have it

I could be whover I wanted to be!

From 2003 to 2007 I worked for an Internet Provider based in Rochdale, around 20 minutes from Manchester.  I had worked my way up the food chain starting on Customer Services, working hard to get a transfer to Provisioning (speaking lots with suppliers and pulling strings to make sure things went according to plan), on to a brief stint in Product Development (getting new products developed and launched – I was working on hosting packages), and eventually moving to the Systems Development team (coding internal business systems).

My time there was great, I thoroughly enjoyed working there.  My colleagues were great, the managers were great, and the MD of the company was superb.  He actually had a key role to play in my movements within the company, and for that I owe him a lot!

A few days ago I got chatting to an ex colleague of mine who invited me to their new office for lunch and a catch up. It’s amazing to see how things have changed over the years – or not in some cases.  A few people have moved up in the company, but many are in exactly the same position as they were when I left.

I briefly spoke to the MD in the canteen today and briefly filled him in on where I’m up to – two years on and he still remembered my name.  He congratulated me and sounded genuinely pleased with my achievements, especially the opportunities I’ve taken to contribute in Africa.  All that aside, our interaction was brief – his steak was getting colder with every word I spoke!

It made me reflect on my own achievements and made me see how lucky I am to have experienced what I have since leaving their employ, and the ways in which my life has changed since making that decision.  I’ve sometimes sat back to think “Have I really done that much since leaving?”, and I can answer with confidence and pride, a big resounding “YES!”.  Some things have stayed the same, but in many ways I’ve achieved a lot!

I’m now looking at my work in Africa with even more pride and excitement than ever before – How many people can make a decision to go to another continent for several months without having to restructure their entire lives and worry about leaving their jobs?