Each new year many of us attempt to commit to a New Years Resolution – usually giving up something we like.  This more often than not results in failure to achieve your goal – or more accurately, failure to achieve the punishing regime that you’ve set yourself.

If you remove a cup of water from the ocean, the rest of the ocean immediately rearranges itself to fill that space.  A cup-shaped hole is never left behind.  Your life goals should work in exactly the same way.

Why do New Years Resolutions rarely work?

New Years Resolutions are simply not compelling enough to make you want to stick to them.  Ask someone what their New Years Resolutoin is and you’ll more often than not hear one of the following:

• I’m going to stop smoking
• I’m going to give up alcohol
• I’m going to stop going shopping as much
• I’m going to stop eating fatty food

I’ve taken the liberty of highlighting the important words in each of the statements above.  These are important because all of them – whilst describing the action you’re going to take – are inducing of negative actions.  Of course they are all meant with positive intentions, but the mere thought of preventing yourself from doing something that you take pleasure in can often be enough to breed resentment and negativity towards your goal.

If you’re constantly telling yourself “I’m going to stop doing this thing that I like”, you’ll often face inner resistance no matter how much you believe in what you’re trying to achieve.

How can you create a more compelling New Years Resolution?

If you’re going to have a New Years Resolution, immediately stop thinking about what you’re going to stop doing, and begin thinking, talking, and acting like what you actually do want to do.  For example, here’s a more compelling and desirable way of rewriting the previous resolutions:

• I’m going to stop smoking become a healthy non-smoker
• I’m going to give up alcohol drink more water and fruit juices and look after my body
• I’m going to stop going shopping save money to improve my standard of life for the future
• I’m going to stop eating fatty food eat more healthy foods and cut down on the things that are bad for my health

As you can see, the above goals are now more constructive and working towards an achievement rather than focussing on changing something.  You’re now working towards a replacement for the original thing which gave you pleasure.

For everything in your life that you want to remove, you must replace it with something else, and the best way to achieve your resolutions is to replace that thing with something that drives and motivates you more.

If you remove a cup of water from the ocean, the rest of the ocean immediately rearranges itself to fill that space.  A cup-shaped hole is never left behind.  Your life goals should work in exactly the same way.

How can I improve my chances / How can I set my goals?

We released an article about goal setting, which we would recommend you to follow rather than setting a simple New Years Resolution.  Goal setting can help to transform your entire life in a miriad of ways, ranging from your physical condition to your career goals and relationship goals.  The goal setting exercise allows you to really get creative and work out what you want more than anything else, and then whittle down your desires into manageable action-driven goals.  By setting yourself compelling bite-sized actions, you’re more likely to achieve, by firstly working on the small goals to gather momentum, then using that momentum to achieve the greater goals.

The original goal setting article can be found by following this link.

Good luck with your New Years Resolution and achieving your goals.  Remember, if you create compelling and desirable goals, you’ll stand a much greater chance of achieving them.

Are you looking to make a change in your life?  You might be embarking on a new career, an exciting new project, or maybe setting a New Year’s Resolution.  Whatever your aims, you can improve your chances of succeeding by doing a great goal setting exercise…

If you ask any successful person how they achieved the things they have, you’ll usually always hear about their vision and idea for something.  An idea for success, maybe… An idea for happiness… possibly.  An idea that compelled them to act and make sure it became a reality… most definitely!

Success can be measured in a number of ways and criteria dependant on your own goals in life, and your own set of beliefs.  Success to you might be losing a little bit of weight, it might be buying a new car, or having a top level executive job.  Success might even be something which benefits other people.  It could be doing work for charity, raising awareness of a condition, or providing a valuable service to your community.

Whatever your goals and ideas for success are, you can achieve them with a few easy – yet important – steps.  This article will help you to set your goals for the year ahead and begin creating the future that you really want.

The Technique

We will break your goals down into a few key (and easily digestibe) parts.  This will help you to set specific goals in all areas of your life, and to avoid falling into the trap of spending too much time and energy in one or two areas, and neglecting the rest of your life progression.

Step 1 – Establishing what you really want

For all of the following categories, write down anything that you would like to change.  It doesn’t matter how trivial, or grand that these objectives are.  The important thing is that you write them down.  Don’t worry, we won’t need to achieve all these just yet, and you’re not binding yourself to a personal development contract quite yet!  Don’t think about how attainable these goals are, or what’s stopping you from getting them.  Just be creative and excitable and naive about it.  Write down what you would really want if you could have anything, but don’t forget the trivial things too – those can be the most rewarding and fun to achieve.

• Relationship/Family Goals – How do you want your love life to change?  If you are single, do you want to find a partner?  If newly married do you want to start a family? Whatever your age, maybe you want to devote more time to your parents, grandparents, or siblings?
• Financial Goals – How would you like your financial position to alter?  How much do you want to earn, and when?  Do you want to invest in anything?
• Career Goals – What do you want to be doing?  Do you want to carry on as you are?  Do you want to progress in your current job?  Do you want to change jobs/career?  Do you want to set up your own business?
• Creative Goals – Is there anything artistic or creative that you want to achieve?  Do you want to paint?  Do you like photography? Is there anything else you wish to achieve that’s fun and new to you?
• Contribution Goals – Do you contribute to charity or the community?  If so, what else do you want to do?  If not, do you want to help in your community with anything?  Can you help raise awareness of something worthwhile?
• Physical Goals – How do you want your body to look?  Do you need to put on some weight?  Would you like to lose some weight?  Do you want to start going to the gym, or eating more healthy foods?
• Emotional Goals – Where would you like to be emotionally?  What is happening in your life that makes you happy, and what would make you feel even better?  What’s not going so well, and what would you like to change about it?
• Educational Goals – What do you want to learn?
• Social Goals – How do you feel about your social life, and relationships with friends?  How would you like this to be different?

Step 2 – Working out what you need to do to achieve your goals

For each of the items that you listed in the first step, go through and write down what actions you would need to do to achieve the goals.  For example if one of your physical goals was “drink less alcohol”, then your action could be “Limit myself to two alcoholic drinks, twice a week”.  If your goal was “Do some painting”, then your actions might be “Join an art group.  Take painting lessons.  Visit the Richard Goodall Gallery.”  By doing this, you start to become more attuned to solving the problems that would have previously stunted your thought process.

Step 3 – Prioritisig your compelling goals

Now you should have a pretty big list of goals and actions.  Go through the list of goals and write a number next to the goal, representing how important it is that you achieve that goal.  This will help you to prioritise what you really want.  The scale should be 1 to 5, with 1 being the highest priority, and 5 being the lowest priority.

Step 4 – Being practical about your actions

Go through each of the actions that are required to achieve your goals, and label each one according to its difficulty to achieve.  Write a number between 1 and 5, with 1 being the easiest, and 5 being the most difficult.

Step 5 – Working out how long you need in order to achieve your goals

Compare your list of goals and actions, and estimate how long you’ll need to put into action.  You should label the goals in the number of years they would take to achieve, starting from 1 year upwards.  If the goal is “Eat more healthily” and your action is “eat an apple a day”, this would only take a matter of minutes to put into action, however we class this as a “Year One Goal”

Step 6 – Shortlisting and organising your goals for the year ahead

Work through each of your goals and actions that you’ve labelled as “One Year”, and start to organise them in a way that motivates you to start working towards them.  A good way to do this is to use the numbers we assigned earlier to make a priority list.

Firstly, organise your goals in numerical importance order – All the goals with a “1″ should go at the top, and the ones with a “5″ should be at the bottom.

For each of the actions, start to list them under each of your shortlisted goals in difficulty order, with the easiest at the top of the list.

This process will help you to organise things in a way that helps you build up momentum and determination throughout your year.  You will be able to see things progressing and moving in the right direction in an organic manner by tacking some of the easier action points first.  It’s like getting up a staircase – you need to start by walking up the lower steps so that you can easily reach the higher ones – If you removed teh low steps, you’ll struggle to get the momentum to reach the higher ones.

Step 7 – Review your goals

Have a look through your list of goals for this year.  Does it make you feel good and determined to succeed?  Are you happy with everything in the list?  Is there anything missing?  If you’re not entirely satisfied, work back and see what you can change.

Step 8 – Take action

You’ve got your action plan in front of you now.  You have a set of goals, and a list of things you need to do to achieve them.

• Copy the list onto a chart or large piece of paper.
• Stick the list to your wardrobe, bathroom cabinet, front door, fridge, or anywhere else for you to see each and every morning, day, and night.  This will help you to commit to the goals and keep them fresh in your mind.
• Find photos of what you want to achieve and print them, keeping them wherever you’ve stuck your list.  This will give you a visual cue to achieve your goals.  If you’ve not got photos, do a quick search of Google Images and find something similar.
• Do something each and every day to work towards your goals.
• When you put something into action, highlight it on the list.
• When you complete an action, tick it off.
• When you achieve a goal, circle it.

Good luck with your goals in life.  If you would like further information or support, contact us by email, subscribe to our Twitter and Facebook channels, follow the RSS feed, email us, or leave a comment in the area below.  We’d love to hear from you.

Many people have started seeking support to stop smoking using mental focus and willpower, sometimes combined with conventional strategies such as nicotine patches, nicotine sticks, or nicotine gum.  If you want to stop smoking with enough intensity, it’s possible to even stop smoking without any of the supplementary drug methods at all.  That’s right, many people have managed to stop smoking permanently after smoking for over 30 years just by using willpower alone.

We’ll be honest – It’s not easy unless you’re committed and willing to accept and pursue the life of a non-smoker.  By following our technique to stop smoking you will start to identify yourself as a non-smoker from the beginning.  A big part of the process is letting go of the part of your identity that attaches you to smoking.  Once you begin to believe that you are a non-smoker, you can then start to take positive action towards breaking your dependence on cigarettes and stacking up all the evidence to support your new belief with such intensity that the mere thought of smoking will repulse you!

The Technique

1. First of all, I want you to get a pen and paper and write at the top “What life will be like as a non-smoker”.  Next, work your way through the questions and suggestions below, writing your answers as sentences.Focus on what life will be like when you are a non-smoker.  You need to banish the belief that you are a smoker and start to identify yourself as a non-smoker.  How will this affect your life?  How will you feel when you are a healthy non-smoker?  What smells will you notice which were previously masked and choked by the effects of smoking on your senses?  What will people be saying to you when you have achieved this goal?  What will it be like to be able to stay in the pub and not have to leave the building for a smoke?  What will life be like on that flight to your holidays without the constant thought of getting off the plane and running to the smoker’s lounge?  What will your finances be like without the expense of cigarettes?  What else can you afford to do with the extra cash?How does this new life feel?  Do you like it?  Is it something you’re happy to attain?

   If you’re happy with it, then congratulations, you’re already making progress.  Read over your list a couple of times, then read on to step 2!

   If you’re not happy with it, then try again from the start.  Try to really believe in yourself.  You’re probably reading this because you’ve been searching for how to stop smoking, so you’ve taken the first steps… however in order to succeed you need to REALLY believe in being a non-smoker, and you need to want it enough.  If you’re not able to convince yourself of the life of a non-smoker then you might struggle to make this work.  We can’t wave a magic wand, we can merely guide and suggest – your success is dependent on how much you want it!

2. So, hopefully you’re reading on because you like the idea of being a non-smoker and you’ve produced enough references to support it.  If you’re still unsure, please read over the first step one more time to reinforce your beliefs.Now I want you to look back over your list and pick out the 6 most important important and impacting points that you wrote down.  Put a star next to each one.  It’s easier to work with half a dozen powerfully impacting motivating factors than a whole page of loose points that don’t really inspire you.Now get a fresh piece of paper and write at the top “What life is like now that I AM a non-smoker”.  It’s now time for you to start to truly believe that you are a non-smoker.  One of the most powerful things you can do to make something attainable is to act “as-if” it has already happened.  I want you to act like a non-smoker.  Believe that you are a non-smoker and start to live out that vision in your head.  Proceed to write down the 6 impacting motivational points as sentences taking in the present sense.  Start them with the words “I am…” or other such statements that really make them feel like they are happening right now.

   Is this what you REALLY want?  If not, work over your list again and make the changes you need to make this action compelling enough and comfortable enough for you to pursue.  We’re creating your future here, so it had better be good for you!

   Now read over your list.  As you read each item, begin to see, hear, and feel everything around you with this new behaviour in mind.  Repeat this process 3 times a day and watch as it becomes a part of your routine.  Eventually you won’t even need your list, but keep it anyway as a reference point of your incredible journey as a non-smoker.  The art of mastery is repetition, and only through making this new through process a habitual exercise will you start to live your life in this new way.

3. Now that you’ve built up the believe that you are a non-smoker, and you’re comfortable with how it feels, you should be raring to go with the process of actually rewiring your perception of smoking.  What we’ve done this far is helping you to build up a comfortable perception of being a non-smoker so that when we take action to stop the intake of nicotine, you will be happy with the direction that you’re heading.  Many people fail to stop because they are not prepared for life without smoking and so act in a way akin to bereavement and loss.  We’re taking the steps to help you to welcome the change and to be ready to make those all important steps and to be ready to welcome this exciting new life.People are generally more compelled to act to avoid pain rather than focus on what they do want.  We’ve already built up your impression of life as a non-smoker and now we need to help you to move away from the physical action of smoking.  So what we’ll do now is build up a list of images that push you away from smoking.
4. On a new piece of paper, think of as many negative aspects to smoking as you can.  If possible, think of things from your new non-smoker’s perspective.  Write down as many as you can, it doesn’t matter how small or trivial they appear, just write down everything that comes into your head.Now on a fresh piece of paper, write the heading “Reasons why I stopped smoking”.  On this piece of paper write in sentence form the most important and impacting of the items you just wrote down.  Remember that we’re writing this list as though it has already happened.  Think of each sentence as “I stopped smoking because…”.  We need to continue the belief that you are a non-smoker and as such we need to talk “as-if” it happened in the past – as-if you’ve already succeeded.Now whenever you read your “Life as a non-smoker” list, follow it straight away with your “Reasons why I stopped smoking”.  You will find that the two lists become very complimentary and self fulfilling.
5. We’re well on the way to creating your new life now.  How does it feel?  Are you happy with the progress you’re making?  Are you ready to step it up a level and stop yourself from putting the cigarette to your lips?  Then let’s move on…By now you may find your perception of smoking has changed and that you’re already “not as keen” on smoking.  There’s still work to do though!  We are now going to re-wire your thoughts of smoking and the way smoking triggers off your mental references.  Like any action, the physical action of smoking triggers references in your mind to events from the past.  Many people itch their neck or cheek for comfort, scratch their head when thinking, or tap their foot when they’re anxious or irritated.  What we’ll do now is utilise this fantastic human reflex action to help you to stop smoking.This can be quite a distressing step, so please make sure you’re in a place where you can be free with your emotions, ideally alone, and be completely honest with yourself.

   I want you to think of the three most distressing fears in your life.  It could be anything from the fear of spiders to the fear of death, bears, falling, heights, or any other fears that you may have.  We need to really focus and make sure that the intensity of these fears is compelling enough to shock you.  Be brave and jot down the three greatest and most upsetting fears in your life.

   Now pick one of your fears to work on.  I want you to relax, sit back, close your eyes and start to imagine this fear playing out in front of you.  Step into the situation and be aware of all of the sights, sounds, and actions unfolding around you.  Replay the situation slowly and vividly and be aware of how your emotional intensity heightens as you become more and more anxious and distressed.  Really feel the pain and the upset as though it is happening right now.  Keep this up until you feel the intensity is as high as it can get, then instantly imagine yourself picking up a cigarette.  I want you to channel all of this emotional pain into the cigarette and into the action of holding it.  Channel all of the intensity of the emotion into the cigarette, making sure that all of the emotions raised from the sights, sounds, and feelings of the event are attributed to the cigarette, and begin to create a link between the two.  Now in your mind, release the cigarette and at the same time release the negative emotions.  Think of a time when you were at your most content and release all the feelings of sadness.  Notice that the cigarette has gone.

   Repeat this process three times, each time making sure that the emotional intensity is associated with the action of picking up a cigarette.  Eventually you will make this into a habitual reaction.  You’ll realise that the mere action of picking up a cigarette will conjure up all of the feelings you once attributed to this fear.  You may even realise that the fear itself becomes less intense as you start to transfer the pain into another form – into the cigarette.

   Now repeat the last two paragraphs, this time working on your second fear, and instead of the act of picking up a cigarette, I want you to associate it with the act of putting the cigarette to your lips, and the feeling of the cigarette against your lips.

   Finally, with your third fear, repeat the two paragraphs again.  This time you will associate the pain with the act of lighting and inhaling the cigarette.

   I hope that this step was not too distressing for you.  Ideally you should have found it a little difficult, felt some emotional pain or discomfort.  Now that it’s been released into the cigarette you will be back to normal, free of the distress we manufactured.  If you found this step easy, then you’ve not done it properly!  Repeat again until you’ve felt the emotional discomfort.  Don’t be afriad of jumping into the emotion – we’re not keeping it, and it will soon be banished to the cigarette – you might even find that it reduces your fears as the cigarette adopts the pain for you!

6. Now everything is just fine and the emotions we raised have been released and are safe inside the cigarette.  If you really want to experience the pain again, all you need to do is pick up a cigarette, put it to your lips, and light it.  That is if you WANT to feel the pain – Three lots of emotional anxiety and stress wrapped up into one stick.  I know I certainly don’t want to smoke your cigarettes!Of course you don’t really want to feel the pain, do you?  As a non-smoker you have no need to do so.  You can make the choice to avoid the pain because you ARE a non-smoker.  You’re free to do as you choose.  You’re free to live your life as a non-smoker.  You’re free to live life this way in the same way that you’re free to shout from the top of a mountain, to itch your ear, tap your foot, or walk around your house with nothing on!  You’re free to make the choice and make the decision without any outside pressures.  This is as much a personal decision as whether to wear your red or black pants today!If you really want a cigarette, then light one up.  Be aware that cigarettes now have the power to cause you emotional pain.  If you still want to light up, then do it.  If you want to prove a point that you’re still capable of undoing all of our hard work and that you’re bigger and braver than the steps we’ve put in place, then go ahead.  But also bear in mind that you could jump all of the hurdles in the opposite direction and say “I did it, I was successful”.  You’ve come a long way to get here, and you should be proud of yourself for doing it.  Keep it up, keep referring back to this process when you need a top up, and by all means get in touch if you need some more help.

If this process has helped you, please share your stories of success at the bottom of this article.  I’m sure that your feedback will help others in your position to becoming non-smokers.

If you would like further assistance or help on a personal one-to-one session, please get in touch by emailing info@breakyourlimits.co.uk.